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Top 10 Ways to Suck at Your Next Race (Part 2)

In my never ending quest to help you avoid all of my painful, embarrassing and hard earned lessons, here are the Top 5 Ways to Suck at Your Next Race. Now keep in mind that I have attended the University of Suckology and that I do have a PHD in the many and various disciples that it takes to really blow up during a race. So please before you try this at home I suggest that you consult your local community college and look into at least the rudimentary course work needed to start the long road my level of expertise.

Top 10 Ways to Suck at Your Next Race

Just to keep it honest, I must admit that I have countless years of experience at sucking come race day. So please note that these Top Ten Tips don’t just come from your average Joe DNF. No they don’t! Indeed, if they offered a technical degree in RDS (Race Day Suckage), I would be not only be the student, but the professor, dean and trustee of the USDS (The University of Race Day Suckage)

10. Try something crazy and few just minutes before the race

the Everyman 10 step guide to Everyman who cannot diet, diet (Part 2)

Have you ever noticed that the second you try to lose weight, your body says to you, “So that’s the way it is going to be? Let me show you who really runs things around here!”

And before you know it you’ve put on an additional three pounds.

It is almost as if your body is screaming that it likes your current weight. “Thank you very much Mr. mind, but please stay out of my business,” it yells whenever you try to put on the eating brakes. “Oh and by the way, and you better not try to muck things up by rocking my eating boat…or else.”

the Everyman 10 step guide to Everyman who cannot diet, diet

So I’ve been thinking about 2007.

To be more specific about what it will really take to do actually compete and perhaps place in a race in 2007.

For me the answer is painfully obvious….I have to lose weight.

To be even that much more specific, I have to lose 20 pounds.

Why 20?

Because that gets me to an even 200 pounds at which point I’m still racing as a Clydesdale, but as the lightest possible athlete in that category.

I am of course putting this in writing ( here and now) to add a bit of public pressure to my otherwise unspoken goal.

Never New

Now that we are heading into the heart of racing season, I thought it might be a good time to pass along some general racing tips, observations and mental notes from a racing career littered with train wrecks.

The Ten Minute Rule

I’ve found that within the first 10 minutes of any race I pretty much know what kind of a day I’m going to have. Will it be a death march or will it be a victory lap? I can usually tell right at the start of a race.

10 Reason why people hate triathletes

Let’s face it folks, we are hated. Most of our friends think we are completely crazy and the rest of the world says a huge collective, “And why would you want to do that?” when you tell them the swim, bike, run distances in an Ironman.

What’s worse is after a short amount of time of getting to know us many “normal” (or as I will call them nonathletes) develop a passionate loathing for triathletes. Why? Here are a few of my personal observations.

Ten really important things I always forget

Recently, in Moab, I had just about two hours to contemplate the state of my current triathlon career as I ran my way down the canyon during the Canyonlands half marathon. Two hours can be a long time, especially when running hard. Time slows to a crawl. The nine-minute time segments between the markers go on forever with few distractions except the mounting pain, rhythmic labored breathing, and thumping heart.

Top 5 Triathlete Cars

We here are Everyman Triathlon laboratories have spent a long painstaking year investigating all the best possible cars for triathletes. We taken hundreds of cars from all the big manufactures and subjected them to a scientific battery of tests specifically designed for your needs.

The Number One Secret to a PB in 2006

You asked for it, so here it is: the Number One Secret to a Personal Best Time in 2006.

To find the #1 secret just click the play tab below, or click on the MP3 link (don't forget to turn up the volume on your computer) or right click on the MP3 link to download the file to your computer and your favorite iPod or MP3 player.

Top Ten Secrets to a Personal Best (PB) in 2006 Part 2

It is hard to believe that we are almost halfway through Newbie Week here at Everyman Triathlon. Your comments have been great and I’ve learned something new. That being… that woman really have no interest in peeing like a man.

But ladies have you considered the other benefits of the upright stance? I am of course referring to the ability to write your name in the snow. Regrettably this magic talent will remain in the hands and uhmmm…you know… of the male species.

My Top Ten Secrets to a Personal Best (PB) Time

Over the years I’ve learned a thing or two achieving a personal best race time. And since we are heading deeper into Newbie week, I though that I would share with you all my hard-earned racing secrets. If you are a Newbie I think these secrets will server you well this summer.

For the unheard of low price of just 4 easy payments of $19.95, I will email you the Everyman Complete Guide to Triathlon Success. And if you act right now, I will also include the Everyman Pee-Like-a-Man women’s winning race catheder. This semi-disposable catheder comes in 5 winning colors to match any race outfit. Now ladies you too can just whip it out during a race, and let it flow, just like your male training buddy.

The Ten Commandments of Triathlon

1) Resist the urge to discuss your workouts. You’ve done the work so be proud AND quiet. While a century ride may be interesting, telling others about it is certainly not…especially if they are not triathletes. Let your race times tell the story. There is nothing more fun than breaking a Personal Best and letting others wonder how you did it.

Top Ten Newbie Mistakes

In the military they say that all the action happens at the tip of the spear. The sharply pointed end where the winners and losers are sorted out. For us newbie and amateur Clydesdale triathletes the tip of the race is only a distant skirmish. We live and race at the other end of spear; the round curvy end which, as it happens, tends to be shaped like many of us. These are some of our some of our stories:

They say the best way to learn is to make mistakes. As a newbie and Clydesdale, in my first year of competing I've made my share of mistakes Here is my Top ten list of Newbie mistakes: