Readers Note: I write these words in a state of high agitation. My stomach has official filed for divorce from my body, slammed the door and headed to Nebraska in a fit of rage. We are now in a very nasty custody battle for the small, but cute upper intestine. The large intestine left home a few days ago on its own. So please take my comments with a grain of salt or at least Tums as I certainly am.
This all started, as these things usually do, when my son brought home a blond harlot of a stomach flu that immediately set work wrecking our happy home. So it was in a state of pure fever induced misery that I watched the Tivo recorded coverage of the 70.3 World Championship last night curled up in a fetal position with one eye open, and one eye closed.
I just needed something, anything, to keep my mind from my battling insides. I was hoping for an hour of triathlon filled exciting, instead I got an hour long triathlon parade. To say I was bored would be an understatement, as my stomach cramps kept the party lively, but my God was this race a huge disappointment.
To start with the venue is no Big Island.
And believe me Clearwater I’ve recently been to Kona…and you are no Kona.
A great race needs a great venue and Clearwater is not it. That is not to say that it is not a fine place to hold a race…it is. It is just not a great place. And fine is just not good enough for the 70.3 world championships.
When you think of the Ironman World Championships you immediately think of:
- The almost Satanic jet-Black Lava fields
- The wind-swept and rolling Queen Ka’ ahumanu Highway
- The hell stone and brim fire Natural Energy Lab
- The crystal clear water of Kailua Bay
- The merciless Kona winds
- The Kona white rock graffiti that lines the entire bike course.
These are just some of the signature trademarks that make the Kona race so unique and special.
Clearwater seems to have the Memorial Causeway and Causeway Boulevard. These are long bridges that cross Tampa Bay and provide as much excitement to the run and bike course as you would expect from a long bridge…that is to say not much.
The problem with the causeways is that they follow the natural contour of the Tampa Bay...which of course is pretty darn flat.
A few years ago ITU decided that they needed to have substantial hills on the bike course to try to break-up the draft legal bike packs. Ironman apparently has not learned this lesson. As by all accounts the inaugural non-draft legal 70.3 age-group (and even professional race by the looks of the TV coverage) was a unabashed bike Draftfest.
This fact also came from from a couch friend of mine who said it was so bad that several of his fast female athletes were unable to pass the huge roaming herds of male age-group cyclist. Just as importantly, the relatively short and flat 70.3 course featured several prominent u-turns and or out and back turn around points.
In practice this meant that when roaming herds of drafters reached these roadblocks they either crashed into each other of were forced to stop, unclip, and wait for the congestion to clear.
Let’s face facts gang; triathletes are not the best bike handlers on the cycling spectrum. When you add a u-turns to the race equation the hilarity that ensues would make for a good Thursday night Sitcom.
But I suppose what really made the race such a disappointing and boring triathlon parade (at least from the couch potato point of view) was the that complete lack of the intangible mystery and spirit that makes Kona such a truly unique race.
Did you know that Hawaiians believe that if take some of the black lava from Kona home you will forever have bad luck? Indeed each day the people from around the word send their souvenir lava back to Hawaii and ask the Goddess Pele for forgiveness.
It is this mystical and supernatural power that many believe make the Ironman World Championship such a unique and special race. I suppose it is because the island is alive and growing each day with an immense natural power and rage. It really is hard to put into words, but most people who have done the race will tell you the best and perhaps only way to experience this phenomenon is to actually run the race and hope that the Hawaiian Gods are smiling on your effort.
Needless to say the only Gods smiling on the racers in Clearwater were from the commercial pantheon ruled by Ford. My 9-year-old son found the best part of the race was the Ford Edge floating on the man-made rock during the start of the race. He kept hoping that it would drive or slide into warm Gulf waters bringing some much needed excitement to a pretty dull swim.
I think that you could have a very interesting race in Florida…but probably not in Clearwater, and most definitely not in Panama City. I humbly suggest that if the Ironman folks want to keep the 70.3 World Championships in their home state they should look South, as far South as you can get in the United States.
I think that Key West has the history, provenance and even interesting geography and culture to make for a truly local interesting 70.3 World Championships. A great race deserves a great venue and currently (at least from my one eyed viewing of the race) the 70.3 World Championships is neither a great race nor is Clearwater a great venue.
And that's a real shame because the latest raceAthlete poll shows that the Half Ironman is your current favorite race distance.
Now please excuse me as I head out the door to try to catch my stomach before it crosses the Nebraska state line.
