As Bill Maher is returning to HBO this week with his Real Time politically incorrect show, I thought I should come up with a few new tri rules of my own:
You can’t call yourself a cutting edge high-tech tri apparel company if you still sew labels into your clothing.
The other I bought this new tri short from a well-known brand that came with a clothing tag the size of a short novel. The tag explained how the short was made from this space age material using the latest in ultra-dry, ultra-cool ultra-expensive nanotechnology.
Except that about two minutes into my first run in the new shorts, the razor-sharp label stabbed itself into my back like Jack the Ripper on a Friday night bender in London.
Do the sports clothing companies actually test their apparel on real athletes, or do they just have the marketing weasels come up with a ultra this and that technology wording?
I’m betting on the marketing weasels as I’ve been spending a lot of time cutting labels out of my “so-called” high performance endurance apparel.
SlowTwitch.com and anybody else who writes a Blog or contributes to a triathlon forum must stop calling their Cervelo Sorrento, Bosso, and so on “Bike Porn”
Boys, boys, boys perhaps you need to Google the term “Porn” and see what a real woman looks like.
While a bike may be somewhat curvy and desirable, I would suggest that you try to take it to dinner, ply it with expensive wine and caviar, and escort it up to bed. Once you have it in bed, try doing those things that would make your mother blush to it, or with it, or on top of it, or however you can manage it, and you’ll soon realize why describing a bike as being pornographic is like French kissing your poodle.
Harvard must educate an entire new crop of running shoe scientist
Do you pronate or supinate or incubate? Clearly the only real science behind today’s running shoes goes into predicting the hottest color for next year.
For the longest time every running shoe company worked to develop the best shoe to pad, control, enhance, regulate, and support our "unnatural" tendency to pronate or suplinate when we run. That is until about a year ago when Nike came out with their new shoe called the "Free" which promises to build up your feet and muscles by providing zero support.
So what is the theory du jour? Complete support or zero support? Why don’t you call me when you actually apply some real science to the problem instead of spending your research budget on sponsering the tallest basketball player with the most gold around his neck!
Male professionals must stop wearing the man bra when they race
The Man Bro: it was very funny on Seinfeld when George’s dad suggest selling it as a wacky business plan. But who would have known that today’s top male professionals would actually wear the damn thing while racing.
I don’t care how fit you are boys, but you should know that the man bra is about as attractive as bike porn.
Women professionals must start wearing a G-String bikini when they race.
Look gals you are so close to wearing it already, why not pull the trigger and go all the way? The bottoms you already wear are just a snip or two away from being a G-String anyway so just go for it. Image how much cooler your butt would be in a ultra-high tech space age G-String race bottom. Now that’s the kind of nanotechnology that we all need to support.
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