EverymanTri.com

Goodbye to 05

As we say goodbye to 2005, I wanted to pass along some pearls of wisdom I learned this year.

Here they are a few in no particular order:

1) Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2) Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.

3) Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of check.

4) Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

5) Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

6) Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

7) It's not the jeans that make your bum look fat.

8) People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

9) Never lick a steak knife.

10) A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

10.5) You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

OK, I have to be honest, this list cane from one of those emails those goes around but I really liked these so I thought I’d share.

But 10.5 is one that I wish I had learned in 2005. At the end of this tragic year I was at very large national convention, in our trade booth, doing the meet and greet with some of our most important clients. When out of the corner of my eye I saw a very important and long time client. Before anyone of my sales guys could hit me upside the head with a very large shovel, I said congratulations to her. She kind of looked at me with a strange question in her eye.

In for a dime, in for a dollar, I figured so I plowed on, “I mean when is the baby due?” Her face contorted into something between shock and wonder. I was in deep now and slowly starting to register that a 50-plus-year-old women with an enormous beer belly is probably not expecting anything more than her next meal.

At this point I turned bright red and muttered something like, “I’m a complete idiot and imbecile…stammered…so please don’t mind me while my sales team hits me over the head with a giant bowling ball.”

What made the situation even worse, was that she completely understanding and was super nice about the entire comment. I almost wish she had told me to shove my head up my butt, which, by the way, is where I would have stuck it had I been limber enough. Needless to say this long time client no longer uses our services.

With this in mind here are a few more…shall we say sports mistakes…from 2005 that I hope to never repeat:

- Don’t buy a new bike before your big race. You run the risk of 8 flats (see racin’ Wilma) not to mention one of the slowest iron distance race times of the year.

- Milk and any type of sports drink don’t really mix, as I found out during a local half marathon. Running on this mixture of dairy product and salt water will create such a powerful explosive as to jet propel you to every porta-potty on the course.

- Big girls on mountain bikes are surprisingly fast.

- Any race beyond Olympic distance is as much nutrition and mental attitude as training and endurance.

- Endurance athletes are some of best people I know. Thanks to all the athletes who lent a hand, inner tube and air canister when I flatted 8 times during the GFT triathlon. And especially thanks to all the great folks who encouraged my before, during and after the race. You all rock!

Finally, I’d like to end the year with some ribbon humor from cyberspace. Happy New Year and check back next year for lots more tri fun!

The Secret to Longevity

For the most part I’m a pragmatist and a realist. I don’t believe in antidotal evidence, I don't believe in the Loch Ness Monster, or that anybody has ever been abducted by alien’s and anally probed, or that Elvis is still alive, or that the Da Vinci Code is anything but clever fiction.

But here's something that you may not know about me...I believe in luck. I believe in luck because I have it. I have parking luck.

My parking luck is the ability to find a parking space as close as possible to whatever place I’m going. For instance if I need fish food I’ll always get the space just in front of the local PetSmart.

I would gladly trade my parking luck for lottery luck but I don’t think that luck can be traded. It’s just something that you have or don't have.

For instance, one of my best friends, Steve, has Sweepstakes luck. Over the last several years he has won trips to Switzerland, Vail, Italy, Puerto Rico, LA for the Hottest women of Maxim Party, as well as a trip to Mexico for himself and 30 of his best friends. He’s also won a full assortment of concert tickets and all kinds of swag like snowboards and golf clubs.

Now you are probably thinking that Steve spends 24/7 entering every sweepstake under the sun. I’ve asked and he says no. What’s his secret? He tells me that if he happens to come across a contest that is offering something he likes, he’ll enter, but that’s it. He won’t go out of his way to enter a contest. I know the real reason he wins so much. He has sweepstakes luck.

Speaking of secrets and luck, in a former life I managed a restaurant. One day this large family comes in for dinner. They are celebrating a 100th birthday. The patriarch of the family is a spree and diminutive guy who does not look a day over 70. It turns out that he is turning 100 and they are celebrating this huge milestone date.

Here’s the sad part, he’s currently living with…get this…his daughter’s daughter, who is something like 60 herself. He has outlived all his children and he might just outlive his grand kids. Anyway as we bring out the blazing birthday cake (image 100 candles) to his table, I make an grand announcement that we have a octogenarian who is turning 100 in front of the entire restaurant. Everybody claps. In fact I recall that he even got a standing ovation.

So while all this is going on I lean over to him and whisper, “So what’s the secret to living to 100?” He turns to me and with a wry smile he says, “I smoke, I drink, but I don’t eat butter”

So there you have it. The secret to longevity is to smoke and drink like a cowboy in a wild west saloon but for god’s sake keep away from the buttered bread.

I suspect that real secret is that he has longevity luck.

At this point I should confess that I also have another form of luck. (Reader advisory: This is the only part of this story that has anything to do with endurance sports) One day, about 10 years ago, I was doing my usual half-hour stationary bike ride at the club when I noticed a rather attractive women on the bike next to me. At the time I had lots of work clients so I was trying to place her because she looked very familiar. After a while I gave up but it was then that I noticed the rather burley man in a dark suit standing behind her bike.

Now it was strange enough to see a big burly dude in a suit at the health club, but I also happen to notice that his suit jacket was open and exposing a rather large pearl handled gun.

In an instant, it dawned on me that this guy was a bodyguard and that the attractive young woman was Claudia Schiffer. Now it may seem strange to you that Claudia Schiffer was at my health club but you have to know the rest of the story. I was living in Prague in the Czech Republic at the time and my health club happened to be in the Intercontinental Hotel where Claudia was staying and filming her workout video.

Since that time my celebrity luck has only increased. Here are a few more examples.

- I’ve had dinner with the boys from U-2,
- I’ve bumped into the Rolling Stones,
- I’ve played golf with Sean Connery.
- I’ve had odd encouters with Hilary Clinton, Sigourney Weaver, Rob Schneider and even Fabio.

What is an odd encounter you ask? For instance I was at a local pizza place with a Irish friend when this tall guy in a overcoat walks in. As I’m ordering a pizza the tall guy asks me what’s good. I say that I like the vegitariano pizza (that’s an all vegetable pizza) he says great and orders one. I sit down and my Irish friend says, do you know who that was? No I say...some tall guy in an overcoat. He says no you dummy that was Liam Neeson.

So now you know that Liam Neeson likes vegetables on his pizza.

Perhaps my celebrity luck was strongest when I walked out to the hot tub at a hotel in Aspen. I notice that there were three other people in the tub. From behind at least one looked like a pretty attractive woman. I get in, look up, and I’m face to face with a bikini glad Cindy Crawford. I make some stupid remark like the water sure is warm. She agrees and I sit down in the tub trying not to stare.

After about 5 minutes she and her friends leave just as two big cigar-huffing Texans are heading into the tub. “Boy you know who that was?” they say with their jaws wide open. “Yea I know who that was” I reply. “I have celebrity luck.”

New Year Etiquette Rant

The other day, while my back was turned and I was asking the sales clerk a question, a small round man absconded with my shopping cart. He just grabbed it and scurried away like a fat hungry weasel with a juicy chicken. So for all the fat hungry weasels in the world, here’s my New Years etiquette rant.

Swimming

There is no passing in lap swimming. When you share a lane you really have only two choices. 1) Spit the lane or 2) Share the lane. When you share the lane don’t pass, because until they invent underwater rearview mirrors, I have no idea that you are coming.

There is no mid-lane parking in swimming. If you are halfway down the lane, you should either be swimming or recovering from a cramp. Save the “my cat barfed-up the biggest hairball last night” discussion for the hot tub.

There is no underwater treasure in the pool. I know that you can find the some of the strangest stuff at the bottom of the pool. From old gum to funky hairballs to water soaked Band-Aids to what I hope are dead bugs and small creatures of all sorts to much funkier stuff. Don’t point this out to me. I’ve also seen the dead furry thing out of the corner of my eye and I’m also trying to keep my lips closed as hard as possible.

There is no lane splitting in swimming. When you share a lane stick to your side of that lane. If you find it hard to stay on one side I have two words for you: “Open” and “Water”

There is no road rage in the pool. Accidents will happen. If by chance when I’m doing the fly and you are doing the breast stroke, and we pass in a tight lane and I happen to slap you in the ass, and you happen to kick me in the crotch, just keep going. Perhaps we mutter a few words of apology but these things happen in lane swimming. I really didn’t mean to grab your ass and you really didn’t mean to kick me in the crotch. We both should know this and not use it to start a fight or long term romance.

If you have long hair, wear a swim cap. This goes for both gals and guys. Have you ever had a 4-foot long slimy hair wrap itself around your neck, through your mouth and up your nose while swimming? I have and I can promise you that you won’t make your interval or even finish your lap when you are caught in the tentacles of the human hair squid.

Cycling

No farmers wipe when drafting. Ok I know that it is almost impossible to properly blow your nose when you are biking. And at he same time, the nose does tend to really run on those cold bike rides. But if you are part of a draft line don’t even think about blowing your nose over your shoulder.

You better be able to ride like Lance if you dress like him. If you are wearing the matching Discovery Channel or T-Mobile shorts and jersey with a $300 aero helmet and riding a $5000 carbon fiber Madone, you better be fast. Word to the wise: There’s nothing that stands out more on a bike then a rich guy with skinny legs.

If you don’t know how to draft, then don’t draft. Drafting and bike handling are skills that take time and effort to learn. Don’t just jump on my back wheel on a whim because I happen to be a big guy and I easily break the wind (or perhaps just break wind). You never know….do you? Why? Because if you get it wrong we will both pay the price. If you want to draft, just ask.

Help others cyclist by the side of the road. We are a small band of fellow riders compared with the big world of cars and trucks. If you can help fix a flat or supply a spare air canister to a fellow cyclist you’ll be earning some big karma points. Because you know that one-day that will be you sitting on the side of the road.

Ride single file. For some reason people driving cars a hell bent to kill a cyclist. Don’t give them a reason to hate us even more.

Fat Hungry Weasel Drivers. The next time you feel the need to pass leaving me with about two millimeters to spare, I hope you get an extended visit from tiny, horny and extremely itchy anus worms. I hope these hell bent anus itchers set-up a homestead in your rectum and breed and multiply, like bunnies on a sunny and grassy knoll in springtime.

Running

There is passing on the track. Keep to the outside lane on track when you are running slow or walking. For all you drivers out there this may seem like a strange and foreign concept (I know you like to drive in the left lane at 55 with you turn signal on) but on the track let the faster runners pass on the inside lane.

Dogs like to sniff in the funniest places. If you have a dog, please keep it under control. While I love dogs, I would prefer to take it out to dinner and movie or two before we really get to know each other that well.

Dogs like to sniff in the funniest places. If you don’t have a dog please don’t get too mad. While I try to keep my dog under control sometimes it will just jump the gun and go for what human might consider an in appropriate sniff. I truly apologize and I hope you understand that this is not something I encourage or do without a dinner and movie or two.

Just say "Hi". I like to acknowledge my fellow runners with a “Hey” or a “Hi” when I’m out on the trials. After all running is such a solitary sport most of the time. So unless you are really seriously training to win the Boston marathon just say “Hi” back. I understand that you are serious about your running, but you can say “Hi” back because I doubt you’ll won’t win the Boston marathon at a ten minute pace. And if you are a bit out of shape you won’t have a heart attack by uttering the word “Hi’ back to me.

“Hi” and Happy New Year!

A Triathlete's Christmas (Best of)

It only seems correct that at this holiday time of the year I take stock and give thanks for all wonders of triathlon (of course from a triathlete’s point of view).

I’m thankful for Chlorine
Now that I spend countless hours at the local pool, swimming back and forth like some caged and deranged zoo animal, I give thanks to modern chemistry. For without it the local youngsters would quickly turn my beloved pool into what the ancient Greeks called the Urinarium.

I’m thankful for Lycra
This wonderful modern stretchy fabric allows all triathletes (men and women) to wear comfortable yet snug and tight fitting clothes over raced tuned bodies.

I’m thankful for Sunglasses
Not only do they shade my eyes from the sun but they allow all triathletes to anonymously observe the wonders of tight fitting Lycra over race tuned bodies.

I’m thankful for Carbon Fiber
My old biking buddy in high school used to like to say that bike racing is not about the chassis but about the engine…as he kicked my butt on the way back home. Well Mark, thanks to the wonders of carbon fiber it’s now all about the chassis. After all, it is so much easier for my bike to shed a few pounds than for me to lose weight

I’m thankful for Pull Buoys
Or as I like to call them during an especially hard masters workout in the pool: the poor man’s wet suit. They provide all the buoyancy at just a fraction of the cost.

I’m thankful for Big Girls on Mountain Bikes
They keep me honest and grounded and in touch with what’s real and what’s not. Just when I think that I’m the next Lance, one of these gals will fly by me like I’m standing still and give me big helping of reality.

I’m thankful for Fast Food
There’s nothing better than a 1500 plus calorie super-sized meal after an especial hard and long workout. Training for an Ironman not only makes you fit but also it makes for pure guilt free fast food dinning enjoyment.

I’m thankful for GU.
Not only is it a great quick and fast energy food boost supplement, but it also provides that added hand stickiness that makes for superior bike handling through better handlebar grip.

I'm thankful for Dogs
My dog always gives me a great reason to go for a run. (She always loves to go for a run with me...no matter what time of day or night, no matter what kind of weather, no matter what she's doing or not doing, and no matter how good or bad I feel, a run with her always makes me feel better)

I’m thankful for OLN
The Out Door Life Network now broadcast most Ironman races as well as many of the ITU races. Much of the time the production values of these broadcast are so poor that their goofy race coverage will certainly keep our sport a small and well hidden treasure.

I’m thankful for the Finish Line
I don’t really need to explain this one, do I?

I’m thankful for Body Glide
I don’t really need to explain this one, do I?

I’m thankful for Beer
I don’t really need to explain this one, do I?

I’m thankful for Aero Bars
Aero Bars have become the surest and quickest way to identify fellow triathletes on a training ride.

I’m thankful for traditional Water Bottle Holders
The new water bottle holders, located behind the seat that are now all the rage, have almost cost me my life twice. Why…because they also double as missile launchers when the guy in front hits a bump.

I’m thankful for the Swim
It keeps the run weasels honest.

I’m thankful for the Run
It keeps the swim weasels honest.

I’m thankful for the Bike
It’s a great way to dry off before the run.

Finally I’m thankful for the sport of Triathlon
It’s a great way to be alive.

If you are thankful for the sport of triathlon like me, and want to spread some of the joy at this holiday time of the year, I would recommend the Active Awareness Fund.

The Active Awareness Fund is a non-profit that allows you to race and at the same time raise money for your favorite charity. It is a great organization that’s building a community of like minded triathletes. Please visit their web site to get an early start on spreading the joy.

The Magic Moments of Racing

I watched the new version of King Kong the other day. At over three hours this soon becomes one of those movies where you keep checking your watch to see how much longer until the end.

But that wasn’t my real problem with the film. It was Ann Darrow’s ( played by Naomi Watts) teeth. They kept changing colors. At the beginning of the film, which takes place during the depression, they were somewhat gray and lack luster. On the boat to Skull Island they radiated a white unearthly glow. On the island, when she was terrified of King Kong, they went back to their dull grayish color. And of course at the end of the film, on top of the Empire State building during her close up as the sun is rising over New York, her teeth were so white I almost had to put on my sunglasses.

It is during moments like this that the magic spell of the movie is broken, when I can clearly see the heavy hand of the film maker, that I lose interest and check my watch.

The same thing happens when I’m watching a movie and there’s a scene in a car. Almost always the filmmakers remove the headrest from the front seats so you can see the actors better and shoot them from behind. No matter what the actors are saying or doing I’m thinking to myself, “What the hell happened to the headrest?” Or “Who would buy a car without a headrest?”

The movie magic is broken and I’m checking my watch. Have you noticed that the same thing can happen during a race? One second you are completely living in the moment, and the next second something happens and the race seems to go on without you.

This certainly happened to me was when I flatted eight times during my last Iron Distance Race. Click Here to read about it. The first two flats I could fix since I had two spares, but by the third flat the magic was broken. I sat on the side of the road watching the other athletes zoom by and I knew I was outside looking in at the race.

This also happened to me during this year’s Boulder Peak Triathlon when a swimmer died in the wave just before mine. Click Here to read about it. The magic was broken.

From these races and a few other races I learned an important lesson this year that changed my definition of winning. I used to believe that winning was either a) winning the race or my age group or b) achieving a preset goal or personal best. Don’t get me wrong these are still important to me but not as important as they once used to be.

I’ve come to realize that the my definition of winning is how I deal with that moment when the magic is broken or, in other words, how I react when things don’t go my way.

I suppose I learned this lesson because over the years I worked my way up the food chain from sprint to iron distance races. The chances of things going wrong in a longer race are obviously greater, as there is just more time for them to head South.

This does not mean that you won’t have problems in a sprint race. I recall a local sprint race my wife did a few years ago where she had just gotten a road bike. Before than we both raced on our mountain bikes, which are pretty sturdy beasts and tend not to break so easily.

She just got on the bike and started peddling up the first hill when her chain fell off. Being new to road bikes and in the heat of battle, she began what to her seemed like an eternal battle to get the chain back on. This battle with the bike raged back and forth as she fought to replace the chain. It culminated in a long string of expletives that would make a old Turkish sailor blush and eventual victory on her part. Only then did she happen to look up and see the completely open-mouthed and stunned young family of spectators trying to enjoy their Sunday morning.

At least she didn’t do what this bike racer did at the end of his race. Click Here to watch an all time classic moment of biking. You’ll notice that not only did he celebrate way too early, but that after his fall, when he tried to salvage the race, his chain too had fallen off.

It is how I deal with these magic moments of racing that for a Clydesdale like me, define winning and loosing. Now you don’t have to flat or have a mechanical breakdown to experience a magic moment. It happens all the time…especially on the swim and run.

Let’s face it, it is pretty easy to be in the moment when all is going well, when you feel fine and the race gods are with you. But what happens when somebody accidentally kicks you in the face at the start of the race and knocks off your goggles? This almost happened to Joanna Zeiger at this year’s Ironman Brazil, except that her goggles stayed on while her nose broke. Even with a broken nose she managed to win the race.

Or what happens when that wetsuit that you borrowed is too tight. This happened to my neighbor during an open water swim a few years ago. What did she do? She actually peeled off her wet suit IN THE WATER, gave it to a lifeguard, and kept swimming. This must be some kind of feat of magic because I can barely remove my wet suit on dry land.

How about when things go South on the run? I’m sure you’ve had cramps and usual stomach issues. But how about Tim DeBoom passing a kidney stone? That’s what actually happened to him a few years ago during the Kona world championships. I was watching the race as he was vying for the lead. One moment he was running a 5-minute mile and the next moment he was in an ambulance on the way to the hospital. Can you image the pain of passing a kidney stone DURING an Ironman race?

Now if that won’t break the magic of the race moment, nothing will.

The Joy of Swimming

There is a special moment when I first get in the water and push off the wall that I use to get myself to the pool.

It feels just like flying. I’m completely submerged, weightless gliding through the silky water. The only sound is that of the bubbles as they rush past my ears. The outside world is completely gone and it is just me with my own thoughts, and the gentle warm water as it slips past my skin. This moment is complete and full of promise. It lacks nothing and wants nothing. But all too soon it runs out, like my breath, when I burst above the water and take my first stroke.

I think of this moment on these cold Colorado mornings when it would be so much easier to stay in bed and sleep a few more precious minutes.

The problem is, of course, a basic one. It takes so much more mental energy to get to the pool than it does to run or bike. To run or bike, all you really have to do is put on your gear and head out the door. That’s it. Perhaps the refrigerator and the promise it holds might distract you, but if you can avoid the kitchen, you are well on your way.

But swimming is a completely different animal. You not only have to avoid the kitchen, but make it to the pool, pack all your gear, get changed, ignore the siren call of the hot tub, and jump into the cold water. As President Bush might put it, you’ve just spent a lot of your workout capital.

I go swim at a local masters class a few times a week. I find that unless I have a coach I really don’t have much workout capital left to motivate myself to swim. With a coach and a few lane buddies I’m forced to push myself.

Do you know what L2 (L squared) means? Long and Lovely…that’s what my coach likes to see when we swim. There is a swimmer’s vocabulary I had to learn when I first began swimming.

As always I like to set-the bar low. When I swim I use a simple guide; “Try not to suck.” I know that’s not really positive motivation, but for us non life-long swimmers it will have to do, especially when you’re next to a lane of master collegiate swimmers. Because these aquamen and women are fast. They have an effortless stroke that I admire as they glide through the water at tremendous speed.

Now theoretically, I’m supposed to be able to able to swim at about ten different speeds (From easy to 10, 20 and all the way up to 100 percent effort)

However I find I only have three speeds.

1) Easy: This is the speed I swim at for 90 percent of the time. It consists of a stroke that somewhat resembles the idea freestyle form but is about 90 percent slower than most swimmers in the pool. It does have one big advantage. That being that I can breath. The other two speeds lack this essential swim technique and that’s why I seldom use them.

2) Fast: This is the speed I use when the coach says swim 50-yards easy and 50-yards fast or 50-yards build, or 50-yards negative split, or 50-yards at a strong effort, or 50 yards over kick or 50 yards at 90 percent.

My fast speed actually consists of two speed settings. The first 25-yards or so is what you might actually consider fast. (Just for your information, about the speed of a motivated penguin waddle) The second 25-yards consists of a lot of thrashing and flailing and heavy breathing but little forward progress, (About the speed and direction of very drunk penguin)

3) Fasy: Fasy is speed somewhere in between fast and easy. Properly defined it is the speed that I swim after a fast swim. It is a rebuilding speed that gets me back to easy. It is not the thrashing and flailing and heavy breathing of a fast stroke but it is also not yet the relaxed “I’m able to breath” speed of the easy stroke…but it is getting there. It is fasy.

What I find really fascinating about swimming is how different it looks from above the water than it feels like in the water. For instance, at my top speed I feel like I’m powering through the water like superman soaring through the heavens. But if I were to look at myself from the above the water, I would look like I’m out for a leisurely Sunday morning swim.

One day I told this to a lane buddy of mine and he said that it was because water is 900 times denser than air. That seemed like a reasonable explanation until I was out running hard and I was passed by one of the local elite runners like I was on a meandering stroll. It seems the real explanation is the obvious one, I swim like I run: Fasy.

Which reminds me of a workout I had the other day. Sometimes I swim with this great German coach. And he’s very German. For instance he’ll give you a set like this, “You vill schvim von hundred meters at 1:35.5 followed by von hundred meters at 134.8…NOT 134.9.” Which is fine except that I’m sharing the lane with this guy who has all the swim toys. You know the paddles, the pull buoy, the so-called “swim fins”, the giant uber goggles and the “swim snorkel” that bends up between your eyes. All he’s missing is a butt-mounted propeller.

Well I can’t make the interval and the coach says I need to keep up with turbo butt. And there’s no way that’s going to happen unless I put on my diving fins which, by the way, the rotund retired guys wear at a masters class I sometimes go to in my mom’s Florida retirement community. These boys have massive beer bellies and are the shape and general hairiness of a pregnant Kangaroo. The coach will say let’s warm-up with an easy 50. Before I even push off the wall the retirement boys are there and back like fat and well-tanned Michelin men under water torpedoes.

By the way, have you ever noticed that when you swim you tend to bargain with yourself like a used Turkish rug salesman? You know what I mean, you have this internal conversation like; “Self, if you swim one more set that you can call it quits and go get lunch.” or “Self, just swim until the top of the hour and you can jump in the hot tub.” Why is this? This does not happen on long run or bike rides. I think I figured out the reason today. On a run or a bike you tend to be committed to finishing the distance since you need to get back home. In the pool you just need to swim another 25-yards. The solution is simple. We need pools at least 1000-yards long.

There would be no internal bargaining if you were outside in the cold and your choice was to swim back to the start of the pool or get out and walk back. I bet you’d be putting in at least a 2000-yard workout every time.

Podcast: Frank Shorter Interview

Frank Shorter - The Olympian

"For a moment in time on September 9, 1972 I was the luckiest person in the world. I was standing on the awards podium, inside the track and field stadium at the Olympic Games in Munich Germany, gazing through a blur of mild shock and tears, trying to focus on the American flag.

Avery Brundage, the President of the International Olympic Committee had just placed a gold medal around my neck, and, as I watched the American flag rise to the top of the center flag pole, I was singing the National Anthem. I wish every young athlete could experience this kind of moment just once."

Recently I had the chance to sit down with Frank Shorter, the 1972 Munich Olympic Gold Medal Marathon winner, and chat about running, training for triathlon, and drugs in professional sports as well as his new book.

While Frank retired from the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency (USADA) in 2003, where he’d served as its Chair since its creation in 2000, he remains active as its spokesperson.

His new book: "Frank Shorter’s Running for Peak Performance”. It’s available in 7 languages: English, French, Japanese, German, Italian, Korean, Spanish. It’s for runners at all levels, from the beginning runner to the aspiring Olympian. It’s really about helping people to learn to train themselves.

You can buy it on Amazon By clicking Here.

To listen to the Interview just click the play tab below, or click on the link to the MP3 file and download it to your favorite iPod or MP3 player.


MP3 File

What to do with all that stuff

If you are like me and you’ve been training and racing for a couple of years, you might find that you’ve accumulated a lot of stuff. Everything from old race numbers to finisher medals to old running shoes. Which of course begs the question; what to do with all that stuff? So here are a few interesting ideas and suggestions.

Old Race Numbers

I remember reading somewhere that you should save your old race numbers, frame them in a decorative collage, and put them on the wall to have as a reminder of your glorious race days. I have a different idea. Most race numbers seem to be made of that special paper that does not tear (unless you pin it to your shirt at which point it tears immediately).

That's why I like to take my old race numbers and sew them into a quilt of shame. At night I use my quilt of shame as a reminder of all those races that I barely finished. As I snuggle under my quilt I fondly remember my past races…oh look there’s the marathon where my legs locked-up at mile 20, and I had waddle to the finish line for 6.2 miles. And look there’s the Ironman race number where I flatted 8 times. Oh here’s the half marathon that was so hot that I got tunnel vision, almost passed-out, and had to have my first IV. What a wonderful way to fall asleep.

Finisher Medals
Over the years I have accumulated a pretty large collection of finisher medals. You would think that they would be sized according to the distance of the race. You would be wrong. My largest medal is from a local 5K turkey trot I ran a few years ago in a tiny town, just next to my wife’s hometown, in the middle of Illinois. It seems that the more obscure the race, the bigger the medal. Keep this in mind next time you set your sights on the Boston Marathon. Perhaps you should be training for the annual Ogleby Turkey Trot.

I’ve always thought that all my medals would make for great wind chime. But recently I’ve had a much better idea; to start you’ll need about 10 dogs of different sizes and breeds. The medals make for great K9 bling. There is nothing more stylin’ than a hound sporting a gold and silver half marathon medal.

You’ll of course need different breeds and sizes as the medals come in different colors and sizes. For instance, you would not want to put that huge Ogleby Turkey Trot medal on a tiny toy poodle. That would look just silly. The best part of this idea is that the more races you run, the more dogs you can make over with their own doggy bling.

Running Shoes

If you are like me you probably have a closet full of old running shoes. They say that you are suppose to replace your shoes every 300 to 400 miles of running and that number keeps dropping. I’m sure Nike is working on disposable running shoes as I write this.

You could donate your old shoes to charity. There are a number of great people and agency’s that collect old running shoes and ship them to places in Africa where folks really have no shoes.

However, I have another idea. We all know that running shoes are made of super cushioning sole material. Why not put this technology to use where it is really needed…your car's bumper. Over the years the auto makers have refined the traditional car bumper to the point that if you happen to lean on a modern bumper too aggressively, you’ll either scratch or dent it.

I have great solution. Just take those old running shoes and glue them (sole out) to the most likely impact points on your bumper. Now you have a car that’s not only ready for the local mall, and any potential fender bender, but more importantly says to everyone “This driver is a serious runner!” (That is of course when he or she is not driving to the local mall to buy new running shoes.)

Cotton Race T-Shirts

With the advent of new technology like “Cool Max” breathable fibers, many of us now have drawers full of old cotton race T-shirts. If you are lucky, you may have a brother-in-law or sister-in-law that would love these old school workout clothes. Why? Because you know that nothing says I’m a hardcore weight lifter like a well-worn and properly torn cotton T-shirt.

If you are not lucky with the family connection here’s another idea. Seal-a-meal those shirts and place them in storage. Why? Because you know that 20 years from now nothing will say that I’m a hardcore old school runner like an old cotton T-shirt. Sure...they may make your nipples bleed on any run longer than 5 K, but that's just another sign that you are indeed a serious runner.

Water Bottles

Water bottles are certainly the favorite swag in any race swag bag. They come in two varieties. The soft kind you can squeeze (good) and the rock hard kind that cannot squeeze (bad). Have you ever tried drinking from one of the rock hard kind that take two hands to squeeze while running on a treadmill? Word to the wise, don’t or you could find out how fast 8 miles an hour really is when you catapult off the back of the treadmill into the glass partition wall of the nearby crowded women only aerobics class, who all stop and stare at you, as you lay half-naked, splattered with your butt tightly pressed against the glass wall. (Not that something like that has ever happened to me.)

So what to do with all those old water bottles. Here’s a simple idea; they make great cat hats. Unscrew the cap, drill two small holes in it, tie a string through both ends, and put it on your cat’s head. Magnifique les chic pussy cat. Now your cat will be stylin’ with the latest cool cat cap. After all you don’t want to make the cat feel left out since your dogs wearing all that medal doggy bling. Do you?

Post Script: No animals were hurt in the making of this story ;-)

Coaches Corner: Mark Allen on Heart Rate Monitors (Part 2)

Don't know how to make the best use of your heart rate monitor? No Problem.

Mark Allen continues his explanation on the how to best use a heart rate monitor to improve your performance in part 2 below:

Coaches Corner: Mark Allen on Heart Rate Monitors

I suppose the first “real” training and racing technology that most of us purchase after we get the basics like running shoes is a heart rate monitor. You get the thing home, open up the package and try to figure out how it works. So let’s say you manage to plow through the 80-fold tissue paper that they call the instructions…now what?

Coaches Interview Corner

We here at Everyman Triathlon will spare no expense to bring you interviews with the best and most interesting people in triathlon from all around the globe. All right just kidding about the expense part.

Actually on a cold a snowy day here in Boulder, Colorado I sat down with Wes Hobson over a cup of herbal tea to discuss the best way to train over the winter, plus get some tips for the 2006 race season and discuss some basic Newbie mistakes from his previous story HERE.

Wes has competed in over 220 triathlons since 1983, from Sprint distance to Ironman distance. During his twelve year professional career, Wes was selected "Triathlete of the Year" by the United States Olympic Committee.

He has won too many races to mention, but I suspect one of his proudest moments, was when he won the Escape from Alcatraz Triathlon in San Fran.

So sit back and enjoy this 10 minute Everyman interview with Wes by clicking the play tab below or download the MP3 version (by clicking on the MP3 link) and listen to it on your iPod in the gym.


MP3 File

Plan for the New Year

I suppose I started this crazy sport like most by doing a triathlon just for fun. I had never really been a swimmer (except for family vacations to Florida at the Ramada pool). I had been a casual runner (read weekend jogger), and in collage I raced bikes a bit because my roommate happened to be on a local bike team. He would drag me out with him on their team rides.

I figured that was all the background one needed to complete a Sprint triathlon that started at the local rec center’s indoor swimming pool with a mere 500 meter swim. I trained for this race for about 2 months. By train I mean that I went on a “long” run of about 5 miles once a week. I biked about 15 miles once a week and I swam the 500 meters a few days before the race. On race morning you could say I was race ready. And if by race ready you meant that I was 40 pounds overweight, with the aerobic fitness of a marshmallow and the leg muscles of your average preteen girl, you’d be correct.

The swim went pretty well in that I finished it without walking or drowning or reverting to the on your back angel swim. The bike started out well but about the second time I hit the moderate hill my lack of training began to show. I was huffing and puffing like the big bad wolf but not blowing much down, except for my ego.

By the time I got to the 5-mile run I was spent and in pure death mode. My legs had locked up like a vise grip and I was trying my best to do the survival shuffle. This is that sort of run walk motion that feels and sort of looks like you are running, but in fact you moving along much slower than if you were actually walking.

I was gulping water, air, sports drink and anything else I could think of to help me make it to the finish line…which I did, you could say, in record time, that is if you consider record time to be smashing the slowest time for your age group.

But I had indeed finished and now I was a triathlete. And worse yet I had been totally bitten by the triathlon bug. I wanted to test myself on longer and longer races. So I spent the next few year basically repeating my first race performance in longer races all the way up to the Olympic distance.

It wasn’t until my 40th birthday that my smart and beautiful wife kick started my racing career. She got me a coach and it was only than that I began to realize how much I really didn’t know about the sport. For instance:

a) There is an entire body of knowledge for each of the three disciplines. I didn’t really know how to swim (Ok I knew that I didn’t know how to swim) bike and run.
b) You could easily fill a library with books on proper sport and race nutrition.
c) And most importunately, you could easily fill several libraries with books on the science of peak race performance and training.

But it was really the training part that I had completely gotten wrong.

My typical week went something like this. I would get up and look at my day.

Monday I had some free time at lunch so I would head to the health club for a 30 minute treadmill run at a pace that felt comfortable for the say 10 minutes. Than the adrenaline would kick in, or the guy next to me was going faster, and I would increase the speed to some huff and puff range for some undetermined amount of time or until I felt I could no longer keep up.

Tuesday I would be back at the club for a swim. How about doing 1000 yards in intervals of say 200 yards each or until the siren call of the hot tub called me to her?

Wednesday it was time for my 15-mile bike ride but the wind came up or the sun went down, or work got busy, so nothing got done.

Thursday I’d make up for Wednesday’s lack of biking by going on a hard run. So I ran extra hard for 20 minutes and ate extra hard for 10 minutes.

Friday it was back to the pool. I would swim in a noon masters class which was a real killer, but also probably the only “valuable” work out I did that week.

Saturday was family time so no working out or perhaps just a short jog with the dog.

Sunday was my time to go for a long bike, which I did for perhaps an hour and a half with no particular goal, but to finish. I would, more or less, repeat the entire week until race day at which point my legs would seize up on the bike or the run. I’d bring it on home with my fav death shuffle.

Wes Hobson, my coach, got me started on the long road from being an amateur age grouper to a real triathlete. First he taught me how to run. Did you know that there really is a right and a wrong way to run?

Next he worked on my swimming which I’ve come to realize is pretty much a life-long endeavor.

Next he changed my bike position to a proper bike fit and got me biking on a plan with a goal.

But most importunately he put together a real training plan for me based on the science and a life-long knowledge of the sport.

After just a few months of training with Wes, I lost weight and started to finish strong. The next year I began to drop my race times.

Today I use that first Sprint triathlon as a measure of my fitness. Since I actually began to train like a pro (not in terms of quantity but in terms of quality) I’ve dropped over 45 minutes from my initial Sprint time. That’s an eternity (for me about 35 percent) in a race that’s only about 2 hours long.

Last year I took third in my category at the Chicago Triathlon and more importantly no more death shuffle. This year I’ve changed my focus to longer races. Remember that eventually all roads lead to Kona, the home and start of Triathlon.

So my best advice is plan for the year. There are tons of training plans and pros out there that you can use. I’ve had great personal experience with two:

Wes Hobson
MarkAllen Online
Wes sells both canned and personalized plans on his web site. My friend Luis Vargas runs MarkAllen Online. Luis has taken Mark Allen’s winning race training program (Mark has won Kona 6 times) and made is adaptable to your personal schedule. Check out his web site for really powerful interactive training plans. Both of these folks also provided great one-on-one support and keep up-to-date with the latest in triathlon thinking.

Take a look and see which one is the best fit for you. If you are serious about this sport, you’ll be hard pressed to find a better investment for the New Year. Or if you plan on doing a half or iron distance race next year, you best have a plan, unless you really like the death shuffle.

You Know ;-) (Part 2)

Do you know what really makes you a triathlete? Sure you swim, bike and run but is this really how you define yourself. A while ago I wrote some ideas on the subject called, “You know you are a triathlete when…”

Take a look HERE.

Well the fine members of the SlowTwitch Forum had a few ideas of the own and here they are.

You know you are a triathlete when…

From IronDeb

- IM means Ironman
- You're NOT when:
- IM means Instant Message
- Had a communication breakdown w/ non-triathlete today b.c of that one!
- ALL gifts, ChrismaChanuKwanzica, whatever, MUST be contributions to New Bike Fund. No other gift will do..
- You can recommend a good: PT, Massage Therapist, Orthopedist, Chiropractor...
- You've gotten into at least one heated discussion about bike fitting
- You've gotten into at least one heated discussion about M-Dot tattoos
- You're already visualizing your Finish Line Dance for IM that's 8 months away
- You always need more socks

From Football Mom:

- Your car resembles a locker room and you can pull out a full set of clothes and equipment for any sort of workout at a moment's notice.
- You think nothing of changing next to your car in a parking lot.
- Your skin smells like chlorine and your hair has a nice shiny, greenish tint to it
- You tell your hairdresser that you need a "wash and wear" style and not to use any 'product'. Blow drying your hair means rolling down the car windows.

From Fefe:
- You aren't concerned with single servings--all you care about is how many calories in the ENTIRE PACKAGE?
- Coke is something you drink during a race, not as a meal beverage
- It's 9:00AM at work and you already swam 2 miles and ran 6
- The only photos you have of yourself are from races
- You get excited whenever you see the word TIMEX
- You also get worked up when asked to press the SUBMIT button
- You will purposely speed up whenever you see bikes racked on top of a car to get a better (and comparative to yours) look
- Your problem is not overeating--rather it's eating ENOUGH
- You get motivated when your coach tells you to workout harder or longer, or better yet--both
- You don't understand why someone would get up at 4AM to go fishing, yet waking at 3AM to get food down before a race seems natural
- You are used to funny looks when you ask your massage therapist and hairdresser to schedule appointments for 6 months straight
- Your boss is perplexed as to how you scheduled 12 months' of vacation time a year in advance

From DuelFuel:

- Your running shoes outnumber all other footwear 4:1
- Elastic yankz outnumber shoelaces in said running shoes 4:1
- 1/8 of all calories consumed are maltodextrine
- You've considered tattooing your bodymarked race number in place after your first IM
- You drink coffee prior to a race or workout for reasons other than caffeine
- You've left a mirror image of your calf-marked race number on the floor of your bathtub.

From Trifan:

- You give one of those "wolf" whistles when you're admiring a new bike.
- You've used a diaper rash lotion in the last year..on yourself.
- You buy gels by the box and clean out GNC when the gels are one sale.
- You can justify the major bucks it costs to do an Ironman by telling your spouse it will be a life-changing event when in reality it usually just changes the amount of money in your checking account

From Low country:

- You're disappointed when you see a really cool bike on a car top...but it doesn't have tri-bars.
- You tend to stutter when someone asks you how you "stay in shape".
- You're already worried about that February pre-season "test" half-mary.
- You notice people's eyes glaze over soon after they've asked a "triathlon" question.
- The GNC staff no longer offers advice.
- You don't hesitate to butt-in on strangers' conversations when you hear the word "triathlon" or one of the other key words.

From BigSky17:

- 2.5K no longer represents that HDTV you have been looking at, it is now the starter money for your dream bike (without race wheels).
you hide tri gear from your spouse
- you know what you will be doing for exercise on any givin day at least two months in advance
- you begin 'selling' your next big race to your spouse two years before the race.
- riding your bike the distance it takes you half an hour to drive on the highway is a light weekend spin
- you are actively pursuing one sport that you are really bad at (swim, bike or run) instead of finding a sport that you are already good at.

I really like the last one as it captures the true spirit of Triathlon…you know!

The Ten Commandments of Triathlon

1) Resist the urge to discuss your workouts. You’ve done the work so be proud AND quiet. While a century ride may be interesting, telling others about it is certainly not…especially if they are not triathletes. Let your race times tell the story. There is nothing more fun than breaking a Personal Best and letting others wonder how you did it.

Why Bowling is better than Triathlon

The other day I went bowling for the first time in about 10 years and I was amazed at how the sport has changed. If you have not gone bowling in a few years you want to give it a fresh try.

So it is with a bit of sadness that today I’m announcing that I have official changed sports. I have seen the light and that light shines down with a soft shimmer onto the gleaming polished floors of your neighborhood bowling alley. Bowling is much better than triathlon and here’s why:

A) Bowling Babes. It used to be that bowling had the image of being…let’s say…for the endurance challenged. We’ll not anymore. Today’s new generations of bowlers are not only hip and fit, but also scantly glad. Forgot those skimpy triathlon shorts and tops that some gals like to wear when they race. The bowling bikini is in and it makes triathlon wear look almost prudish by comparison.

B) Beer. What do you get after an extremely long day on your local Iron Distance course? A bottle of water and a kick in the ass to get out of the finish line area as soon as possible. Not with bowling. You don’t have to swim/bike/run some 140 miles to get lousy beer.

At your local bowling alley the beer is just a short stumble from the field of competition. In fact beer flows so freely that many of today’s top competitors start drinking long before the competition ever starts.

C) Early Mornings. I’m getting a wee bit tired of all these predawn workouts. I find myself stumbling out of bed, just to dive into a chilly swimming pool, just to be able get out in a hurry, just so I can make it to work on time.

Do you have any idea at what time your local bowling alley opens? No, well neither do I but I have a strong suspicion that it opens sometime around lunchtime. And unlike triathlon there really not much training you can do without an open bowling alley. I could be wrong about that as you you can certainly do 12-ounce curls at home. Bowling just keeps getting better.

D) Equipment. There’s just soooo much stuff you need to be a triathlete. The bike gear along can run into several thousands of dollars. Now add in all the run and swim stuff, plus coaching, plus books and video tapes on this and that, and you have just reached your average credit card limit. On the other hand a perfectly fine bowling ball runs about $50. And that still leaves lots of cash for beer.

E) Food. Let’s face it, most of us secretly love a big heaping plate of nachos with steak, beans, and sour cream or how about a healthy pile of lightly browned crispy fries with a side of tangy catsup. Have you ever tried eating nachos on the bike or fries on the run? Well I have, and I can tell you they get really cold really fast.

F) Weather. The weather in your typical bowling alley is a constant and totally comfortable temperature that encourages your typical bowling babe. There is no wind, rain, cold, ice, snow, mean dogs, and crazy drivers. Ok, there may be crazy drivers but their cars are in the parking lot and their car keys are safely in their pockets.

G) Sports Injuries. It is very difficult to hurt yourself bowling. You could always drop the ball on your foot, but this I have been well informed, is something that happens very rarely.

Better yet, unlike triathlon were those seat mounted bottle rockets (water bottles mounted behind the seat and that that come flying out at the first bump and get caught in my wheels) are becoming the norm, most bowling competitors rarely bowl the wrong way.

H) Fashion. We all know that bowling shoes and shirts are in vogue right now. Some of the world’s top fashion houses have styled beautiful shoes and clothes that are considered bowling alley chic from New York to Paris.

On the other hand you won’t turn many heads with your old sweaty and stinky Nike sweats. You will turn heads with your low cut Speedos but in a “man look at that hairy European dad” sort of way.

I) Training. For the most part training is totally pointless in bowling, which of course saves countless hours for more productive activity like watching television. If you do feel the need to train, bowling requires only one arm. Thus your training regiment can be completely exclusive to your bowling arm. I suggest 12-ounce curls or 24-ounce curls for the more advance competitors.

Well that’s why I’ve decided to switch to bowling. I hope to see you around at the local bowling alley. Did I mention the Bowling Babes? They not only seem to love the sport but also each other. Viva la Bowling!