Since my new book (all 206 pages) was recently published (earlier this year) I have gotten tons of emails (OK, just one) asking me how I managed to write (taught clever monkey to use keyboard and mouse) a book about the sport (death march) of triathlon.
So here are the top ten steps you know need to know in order to write and publish a book about triathlon. Please note that you first have to have at least some triathlon experience before you can write a 206-page book, which has more than one sentence that reads, "Triathlon is a really goofy sport made up of crazy people who swim, bike and run in the wrong order."
10) Crazy competitive friend
One day your crazy competitive friend calls you and says something like this, "Guess what...you'll never guess...give up? I just entered a triathlon and guess what again? You'll never guess in a million years. I also entered you!"
I would not necessarily recommend this as a way to start your own triathlon career, but it does eliminate all the angst and worry of signing up for your first race.
9) Perform really badly in your first year of racing
The only way to write a book is to stay in the sport for a while. There is no better way to stay in the sport than to crack like a walnut in your first half-dozen races. This enables you to set the bar really low thus almost guaranteeing that you'll do better next year.
If you almost drown in the swim, crash on the bike, and your legs lock up like vise grips on the run, you'll be assured of topping your personal best next year. This means that you can drink beer like a sailor on shore leave and still race the following year with a 100 percent chance of setting a PB (Personal Best) every time you race.
8) Make every Newbie mistake in the book
The thing about writing a book is that you need to have some interesting stories to tell. Let's face it, nobody really cares about how you broke a PB by going under 14 hours in your first Ironman.
On the other hand if you, for example happen to flat eight times (hmmm...like I did) in your first Ironman, you've got an interesting story to tell that folks will want to read. So how do you flat eight times in one race?
You break the number one rule of racing (that being never try something new in a race) by purchasing a new bike just a few days before your Ironman. It also helps to plan your race around a hurricane to keep the readers wondering if you actually managed to fix eight flats in pre-hurricane conditions.
7) Computer or functional typewriter
Note to young authors: Most publishers today frown on manuscripts written in pen or pencil. Unless of course your manuscript happens to be about pens or pencils in which case it might be a clever marketing ploy.
6) The inability to spell or use proper grammar
I must confess that my complete inability to spell or put together a "classic" or "old school" sentence had been a huge help to my writing career. A manuscript full of "obtuse" or did he really mean "obvious" errors gives your editor a real sense of mission and purpose?
If you submit a grammatically perfect manuscript your editor has nothing to do but send the book to get printed. On the other hand if you are like me and have a hard time typing, let alone spelling, your editor will gleefully correct your errors while feeling great for getting the job done well.
5) Geographical Luck It really helps to live in a place like Boulder, Colorado, or perhaps Kona on the big Island of Hawaii. You can of course "right"or did he mean "write" a book about triathlon sitting at home of the farm in deepest, darkest Iowa, but it really does help to live in the Mecca of triathlon.
To be honest you can't swing a dead cat without hitting a professional triathlete in Boulder. So if you happen to be writing a book about triathlon and you have a question like, "What comes first the run or the swim?' You'll soon discover the answer. Just walk out your front door and chances are you'll get run over by a professional triathlete on a tempo run.
4) Poor training discipline
If you are a hardcore triathlete you'll never be able to write a book. You spend most of your time training or recovering from a hard workout.
If you happen to train like me you always have two choices. You can get up some crazy early hour in the morning and go for a painful track workout or you can sleep in, make yourself a big breakfast and pound away on the computer keyboard for a bit. It also helps to train a monkey to spell triathlon so you can forget about the keyboard bit and just turn on the TV.
3) Poor diet
Triathletes are meant to be lean mean endurance machines. Authors are expected to be rollie-pollie and perhaps "jolly" or did he mean "jowlie" by nature? Believe me it is a lot easier to be a writer than a triathlete when it comes to your diet.
When you have a Blog and people actually read it, you'll end up with great comments on that Blog like, "I learned more from watching my dog do his duty this morning than I did reading your latest post on swimming"
Such feedback is tremendously helpful as it gives you great ideas for the next Blog post entitled, "The greyhound approach to super-fast bathroom breaks during your next race."
1) Hairy Legs and a washtub belly
Everyone knows that true triathletes shave their legs and have washboard stomachs. But to really relate to your readers you must be one of them.
To know the Everyman you must be the Everyman.
That's why I have worked long and hard to resist the temptation to shave my legs. And that's also why I have worked long and hard to build up my washtub belly (OK, I got the washtub and washboard belly thing mixed up. That's my story and I'm sticking it.) Can't get enough of Everyman Triathlon?
Purchase my new book "No Seriously My Training Begins Tomorrow: The Everyman's Guide to IRONFIT Swimming, Cycling & Running" by clicking Below.
Not only will I sign the book for you, I'll also inscribe it with your name.
Or you can still get my first book "My Training Starts Tomorrow" from Amazon by clicking HERE.
And unlike your computer, the book can be read anywhere without the use of a power cord, battery or Internet connection.