I have this uneasy feeling that this statement comes from too many years of experience with the local elected officials.
Anyway, that’s kind of the way I now feel about the boys on the Tour de France. They are all just a bunch of dopers.
By now I’m sure you’ve heard of the three ring doping circus that has enveloped this year’s tour culminating with the yellow jersey being kicked off his team and out of the race.
My bike sponsor, BMC, is now rethinking its sponsorship of Team Astana because of Vino’s recent positive steroid test results. Please don’t tell them that I’ve been using rare Peruvian high altitude Monkey roids for the last few months to boost my race performance. They work great except that I now have an uncontrollable urge to scratch my balls and throw shidoobeedoobee.
Seriously, this year’s anything but clean tour bodes well for teams like raceAthlete as we continue to pioneer age-group professional sponsorships. We may not win many (if any) races but we are completely clean in our efforts to place at least one or two teammates right at tip of the middle of the pack.
As I went to sleep last night dreaming of moving up from the back of the pack to the middle of race with the help of my rare Peruvian monkey powder, I could not help but wonder about the future of the sport of cycling.
I recently heard a an NPR interview with Floyd Landis where he tried to defend himself from his doping charges by saying that the entire drug testing system was to blame for his woes.
His solutions: 1) form a cyclist union to help better control the invasive and pesky random drug testing and 2) have the cycling union pull out of the Olympics so that riders would not have to conform to the Olympic drug testing rules.
I almost fell from my chair when he said this. Talk about some big testosterone balls. That would be like getting caught with your hand in the cookie jar and telling your mom that not only should she do away with the jar, but that you won’t do your homework until she gives you all of the cookies.
He went on to complain about how unfair it is that professional cyclists have to make their whereabouts known at all times of the year because they are subject to random drug testing.
Hey Floyd here’s something that really unfair. How about working at Starbucks for about $10 an hour and than being told by your manager after a very long shift of standing on your feet to go clean out the bathroom because somebody had a particularly nasty accident in the toilet.
I can’t help but feel that this brazen attitude toward drug testing as exemplified by Landis and now Rasumssen (he couldn’t be bothered to tell the cycling federation of his whereabouts for his scheduled drug testing per the governing laws) is the legacy of the Armstrong years.
I find it especially ironic how Rassumussen tried to use the same Armstrong defense when asked about his missed test. His answer, like Armstrong’s in the past, was that he has been tested numerous times and never found to be using drugs….so this must (by implication) prove that he is, and has always, been clean.
So let me get this straight, just because you are rich enough and/or clever enough to hire the best docs that can mask your drug use and/or develop designer steroids (like the BALCO debacle) that have no known test this definitely proves that you are clean.
In other words, if you get tested and don’t get caught, this proves that you are and have been completely clean. Even though countless cyclists have been busted not by the drugs in their bodies but by the drugs in their doctors, coaches or team’s office, suitcase or bus.
Wow, now that takes some real steroids to say in public.
All of this in the end begs one huge question that Armstrong has yet to answer to many people’s satisfaction.
How did a “clean” athlete win the Tour seven times when all indications point to the fact that every cyclist who has recently worn the yellow jersey, or won a stage, or won the tour by supper human efforts (Landis, Vino, Rassumussen) has indeed used super human efforts?
There are only two possible answers:
1) Armstrong is such a phenomenal athlete that even at his natural best he can easily and decisively beat most of the world’s best doped up cyclist seven years in a row or…
2) That as the world’s richest and smartest and most successful cyclist, he has access to the world’s richest and smartest and most successful doctors.
The choice is yours, but I have suspicious feeling that when it comes to Armstrong’s Legacy in the complete book of cycling, the final chapter has yet to be written.