A) The incident of the hairy butt, bench and hairdryer
I was in the locker room of my health club yesterday when I couldn’t help but notice a guy sitting on a bench wearing only a smile while blow drying his toes.
He had obviously just taken a shower, as he was wet from head to drying toe. I’m not really sure what caught my eye first. Was it the fact that his hairy naked butt was sitting on the bench I had just used a few moments prior, or the fact that he was using the hairdryer I would soon need for my hair...on his feet?
I guess this is a question of “touchage,” actually two questions to be precise. His hairy and hopefully clean butt was obviously touching the bench.
Question # 1:
Is it wrong to sit on a bench without placing a towel between your privates and the clubs publics…the bench? And does it matter that the aforementioned privates are clean if they are still in direct contact with public (read communal) property?
Question # 2:
Is it wrong to use a public hairdryer on other parts of your body, specifically the wet area between your toes. And does it matter if the aforementioned hairdryer actually touches the toes?
Because you argue that if indeed the end of the hairdryer never touched the toes or feet, it doesn’t really matter. Because, for the most part, the hairdryer does not touch the hair when used as advertised.
I don’t know the answers to these question but they did keep me up last night for almost two and a half minutes so I though I would share them with you for a public discussion to sort out the truth once and for all. Please feel free to comment. I would love to know your thoughts.
B) The incident of one whisper too many
I’m sure that we can all agree that it is just wrong to pee in the pool and in the shower, especially if these are public pools and showers that are used by other. If you don’t agree please let me know so that I can be sure to avoid your pool in all my future travels.
But this particular issue is much more subtle. I was swimming this week in my usual masters class, in my usual slow lane, with the usual suspects. I’ve become casual friends with the guys and gals in my lane and to break up some of time we like to have fun and tease each other.
So the other day I notice that two of the gals are whispering and giggling as I approach the wall. Being somewhat curious, I of course asked what’s so funny. One of the gals gives the other one a look like should I tell him and says “Debbie (let’s call her that for the purpose of this story) just tinkled in the pool and you’re standing in it.” They both laughed and swam down the lane for the next set.
Questions #1:
Did Debbie really tinkle in the pool or were they just having a go at me. Please keep in mind that Debbie is about my age with kids of her own.
Question #2:
Next time I see them should I stop, squat and pretend to tinkle by the warm water outlet and really make it seem real thus a) having a good go at them, and b) running the risk of potentially forever gaining the reputation as the guy you never want to have in your lane?
Your wise comments and suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
