So it is with a bit of sadness that today I’m announcing that I have official changed sports. I have seen the light and that light shines down with a soft shimmer onto the gleaming polished floors of your neighborhood bowling alley. Bowling is much better than triathlon and here’s why:
A) Bowling Babes. It used to be that bowling had the image of being…let’s say…for the endurance challenged. We’ll not anymore. Today’s new generations of bowlers are not only hip and fit, but also scantly glad. Forgot those skimpy triathlon shorts and tops that some gals like to wear when they race. The bowling bikini is in and it makes triathlon wear look almost prudish by comparison.
B) Beer. What do you get after an extremely long day on your local Iron Distance course? A bottle of water and a kick in the ass to get out of the finish line area as soon as possible. Not with bowling. You don’t have to swim/bike/run some 140 miles to get lousy beer.
At your local bowling alley the beer is just a short stumble from the field of competition. In fact beer flows so freely that many of today’s top competitors start drinking long before the competition ever starts.
C) Early Mornings. I’m getting a wee bit tired of all these predawn workouts. I find myself stumbling out of bed, just to dive into a chilly swimming pool, just to be able get out in a hurry, just so I can make it to work on time.
Do you have any idea at what time your local bowling alley opens? No, well neither do I but I have a strong suspicion that it opens sometime around lunchtime. And unlike triathlon there really not much training you can do without an open bowling alley. I could be wrong about that as you you can certainly do 12-ounce curls at home. Bowling just keeps getting better.
D) Equipment. There’s just soooo much stuff you need to be a triathlete. The bike gear along can run into several thousands of dollars. Now add in all the run and swim stuff, plus coaching, plus books and video tapes on this and that, and you have just reached your average credit card limit. On the other hand a perfectly fine bowling ball runs about $50. And that still leaves lots of cash for beer.
E) Food. Let’s face it, most of us secretly love a big heaping plate of nachos with steak, beans, and sour cream or how about a healthy pile of lightly browned crispy fries with a side of tangy catsup. Have you ever tried eating nachos on the bike or fries on the run? Well I have, and I can tell you they get really cold really fast.
F) Weather. The weather in your typical bowling alley is a constant and totally comfortable temperature that encourages your typical bowling babe. There is no wind, rain, cold, ice, snow, mean dogs, and crazy drivers. Ok, there may be crazy drivers but their cars are in the parking lot and their car keys are safely in their pockets.
G) Sports Injuries. It is very difficult to hurt yourself bowling. You could always drop the ball on your foot, but this I have been well informed, is something that happens very rarely.
Better yet, unlike triathlon were those seat mounted bottle rockets (water bottles mounted behind the seat and that that come flying out at the first bump and get caught in my wheels) are becoming the norm, most bowling competitors rarely bowl the wrong way.
H) Fashion. We all know that bowling shoes and shirts are in vogue right now. Some of the world’s top fashion houses have styled beautiful shoes and clothes that are considered bowling alley chic from New York to Paris.
On the other hand you won’t turn many heads with your old sweaty and stinky Nike sweats. You will turn heads with your low cut Speedos but in a “man look at that hairy European dad” sort of way.
I) Training. For the most part training is totally pointless in bowling, which of course saves countless hours for more productive activity like watching television. If you do feel the need to train, bowling requires only one arm. Thus your training regiment can be completely exclusive to your bowling arm. I suggest 12-ounce curls or 24-ounce curls for the more advance competitors.
Well that’s why I’ve decided to switch to bowling. I hope to see you around at the local bowling alley. Did I mention the Bowling Babes? They not only seem to love the sport but also each other. Viva la Bowling!