EveryMan Triathlon

Top 15 Ways to win Friends and Influence Athletes

The other day, while my back was turned at the supermarket a small round man absconded with my shopping cart. He just grabbed it and scurried away like a fat hungry weasel with a juicy chicken. I thought to myself, "Self, that was pretty brazen and BTW totally uncalled for!" But than I though; "Self, sometimes we all just make silly blunders because we're not aware of the proper etiquette."

So here's my Top 15 Ways to Win Friends and Influence Athletes from the Everyman Point of View...or if you prefer my Top Ten ways to avoid the foul stink of the weasel.

Swimming

15) There is no passing in lap swimming.
When you share a lane you really have only two choices. 1) Spit the lane or 2) Share the lane. When you share the lane don’t pass, because until they invent underwater rear view mirrors, most swimmers have no clue that you are coming up from behind, and it spooks and sometimes humiliates us to be passed without warning.

14) There is no mid-lane parking in swimming.
If you are halfway down the lane, you should either be swimming or recovering from a cramp. Save the “please, please, please save my cat barfed-up the biggest hairball last night” discussion for the hot tub.

13) There is no underwater treasure in the pool.
I know that you can discover some of the strangest stuff at the bottom of the pool. From old gum, to funky and furry treasure, to water soaked Band-Aids, to what I hope are dead bugs and small creatures of all sorts. Don’t point this out to anyone. We've also seen the dead furry thing out of the corner of our eyes and we're also trying to keep our lips closed as hard as possible.

12) There is no lane splitting in swimming.
When you share a lane stick to your side of that lane. If you find it hard to stay on one side I have two words for you: “Open” and “Water”

11) There is no road rage in the pool.
Accidents will happen. If by chance when I’m doing the fly and you are doing the breast stroke, and we pass in a tight lane and I happen to slap you in the ass, and you happen to kick me in the crotch, just keep going. Perhaps we mutter a few words of apology but these things happen in lane swimming. I really didn’t mean to grab your ass and you really didn’t mean to kick me in the crotch. We both should know this and not use it to start a fight or long term romance.

10) If you have long hair, wear a swim cap.
This goes for both guys and gals. Have you ever had a 4-foot long slimy hair wrap itself around your neck, through your mouth and up your nose while swimming? I have and I can promise you that you won’t make your interval or even finish your lap when you are caught in the tentacles of the human hair squid.

Cycling

9) No farmers wipe when drafting.
OK, I know that it is almost impossible to properly blow your nose when you are biking. And at he same time, the nose does tend to really run on those cold bike rides. But if you are part of a draft line don’t even think about blowing your nose over your shoulder.

8) You better be able to ride like Lance if you dress like him.
If you are wearing the matching Team jersey with a $300 aero helmet and riding a $5000 carbon fiber Madone, you better be fast. Word to the wise: There’s nothing that stands out more on a bike then a rich guy with skinny legs.

7) If you don’t know how to draft, then don’t draft. Drafting and bike handling are skills that take time and effort to learn. Don’t just jump on the back wheel of stranger on a whim. Why? Because if you get it wrong two will pay the price...and I can promise you that at least one of the two won't be very happy. If you want to draft, please just ask.

6) Help others cyclist by the side of the road.
We are a small band of fellow riders compared with the big world of cars and trucks. If you can help fix a flat or supply a spare air canister to a fellow cyclist you’ll be earning some big time karma points. Again Why? Because you must certainly know that one-day you will be the one sitting on the side of the road.

5) Ride single file.
For some reason people driving cars a hell bent to kill a cyclist. Don’t give them a reason to hate us even more.

Running

4) There is passing on the track.
Keep to the outside lane on track when you are running slow or walking. For all you drivers out there this may seem like a strange and foreign concept (I know that at least some of you like to drive in the left lane at 55 with you turn signal on) but on the track let the faster runners pass on the inside lane.

3) Dogs like to sniff in the funniest places.
If you have a dog, please keep the pooch under control. While I love dogs, I would prefer to take yours out to dinner and movie or two before we really get to know each other that well.

2) Just say "Hi".
I like to acknowledge my fellow runners with a “Hey” or a “Hi” when I’m out on the running trials. After all, running is such a solitary sport most of the time. So unless you are really seriously training to win the Boston marathon please just say “Hi” back or flash a brief smile of acknowledgment.

1) Don't take any of this list too seriously
The best bit of advice I can pass along is just to have have fun while you are training. Because if you have fun, others swimming, biking or running with you will too, and that's really the best way to win friends and influence athletes.

The Rocky Mountain Way

After I've read the newspaper, tried and failed to get on the non existent free wireless network, and forgotten the earphones to my iPod on the plane on the way out, I like to play a simple little game sitting on the floor next to the electricity plug, waiting for my flight back home to Denver at some far away airport.

I call is the "Guess Who's Coming Home With Me" game.

The game is very straightforward. I try to decide, just by observing my fellow travelers, which ones walking down the terminal hallway are on my flight.

Now you might think this this would be pretty easy game to play. You would be right, but probably not for the right reason.

I'm betting you are thinking that in order to identify Denver bound passengers I look for the obvious clues like, cowboy boots, cowboy hats, ski wear, Broncos jackets or jerseys, or even Uggs...the hugely popular ski town "must have" footwear.

But while all these items of clothing are good indicators of my fellow Colorado bound travelers, I have a much more simply way to tell who joining me on my flight.

I look for the young and thin passengers. To be more precise the ones that are not over weight, or as the US government would define them..."obese."

You see Colorado is the thinest state in America with just under 17 percent of the state's population being categorized as obese by Uncle Sam.

I suspect that this fat percentage also correlates with the age of the population in Colorado. In fact according to the last census report Colorado has one of the lowest mean ages (34), plus we have one of the highest male to female rations in the entire country. Only Alaska, and a handful of other states, have a lower mean age and less women per men per the census.

So if you are a young single guy looking for a state with young thin and single women, I have some good news and some bad news for you. The good news is that we have them, the bad news is that you'll have plenty of company from other guys already here looking for the same thing.

BTW: Our mountain towns (Vail, Aspen, Beaver Creek, Breckenridge and such ) are notorious for having a 10 to 1 male to female ratio, so you'd do well to avoid these places if you are looking for that young, thin, and athleteic gal of your dreams.

Just my 2 cents because I can already see the wheels spinning in your brain. Just know that skiing and sex don't really mix unless you BYOG (Bring Your Own Gal).

On the other hand gals....

But back to matters at hand. You don't have to live in Colorado to be thin, or you certainly don't have to live here to lose weight. Take a look at THIS and THIS Wisconsin blog. This husband and wife have lost hundreds of pounds in the home of this country's best beer and brat combo.

The point I'm trying to make in this roundabout intro is that it doesn't matter where you live when it comes to your weight, what really matters is how you live.

Let me explain. The census numbers above don't really illustrate the point that we Coloradoans are a very active bunch.

When my wife and I first moved here we had a hard time making friends. Every weekend all of our possible new buddies were out skiing, or hiking, or mountain climbing, or cycling, or running, or camping, or snowshoeing, or doing a thousand other mountain and sun assisted outdoor activities. That sort of very active outdoor lifestyle is obviously one of the biggest reasons that people move here. It also why it is so hard to make friends.

In Chicago, where I grew up, the typical Mother's Day weekend consisted of getting together with friends and family at this or that restaurant or home. Both options included a lot of yummy food, and a lot of sitting around.

In Colorado I tend to get together with my friends on a much more regular basis to go running, or skiing, or biking.

For instance this weekend I went for a windy 50 mile bike ride with two friends who are training for Ride The Rockies (a one bike week tour of Colorado's most scenic roads). I also celebrated Mother's Day with at our great neighbor's house sitting around eating bagels, cake, and chatting.

But that was on a weekend that also included a 7-mile run, with the 50-mile bike. I just don't think that in Chicago it would be so easy to do both a long bike and run, and brunch with the neighbors.

To be fair a lot of the folks reading this have had a similar Mother's Day weekend. But let's face it gang, we are certainly the exception and not the rule.

Anyway, next time you are stuck at the airport, bored and crazed out of your brain from the constant "Ding! the moving sidewalk will come to an end. Ding! " recording, try my game and see if you can tell who's flying to Atlanta and who's flying to Denver?

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum (part 5)

Something familiar,
Something peculiar,
Something for everyone:
A comedy tonight!

Something appealing,
Something appalling,
Something for everyone:
A comedy tonight!

Nothing with kings, nothing with crowns;
Bring on the lovers, liars and clowns!

Old situations,
New complications,
Nothing portentous or polite;
Tragedy tomorrow,
comedy tonight!

PS. Click on the highlighted words for your easter egg surprise.

Four Ways to go Fast

Have you ever noticed how the buff magazines are filled with tips, tricks, and steps to take you from couch potato to race day champion?

You know articles titles like:

- Top Ten fruits that really make you go fast

- 3 ways, in 3 weeks, at $3.00 per day to a top (you guessed it) 3 finish

- How to beak the records without breaking your body, your wallet or your wife

- The secret Professional "all salt diet"...never worry about sodium on race day again

- The secret Professional "all pepper diet"...it will really spice up your next performance

- Take your abs to the next level with the kick boxing workout...no kicking or boxing involved, just stand, clench your stomach, and take it like a true winner.

- The "all air diet", lose weight fast and never feel hungry or out of breath.

I think you get the idea.

So I was contemplating the hundreds, or is it thousands of articles that I've now read that all profess to take me from the back of the pack to the front of the field.

And I suddenly realized that they all have one thing in common: They are better at selling magazines than making me much faster on race day.

So being a published author, longtime blogger, and well know neighborhood blow bag, I naturally thought that I could come up with Four Real Ways to go Fast.

Pleas note that I did not call this column Four "Easy" ways to go fast, because they are not easy. In fact, they are hard, but that's what makes them work.

Please also note that these Four Ways to go Fast are for the "developing athlete". That would be any athlete, for instance like me, that has taken up their chosen sport later-in-life. And that's really the secret of my Four Step Plan. It is for the later-in-life developing athletes who are new, or pretty new to their chosen sports.

So here we go:

1) The Persevere to Start Over

As a developing athletes we have to be willing to start over and learn the basics.

I know that sounds a bit simple but all too many age-group athletes have never formally learned the basics of their chosen sport. Be it running, or swimming, or even biking, we tend to just jump into a race without having spent our childhood years learning the basics of proper form and technique.

Or, if we did learn the basics today we are using 20, 30 or even 40-year-old racing and training wisdom to compete.

Technology and in depth knowledge of the human body has completely changed the way modern professional athletes train and race. If you are still using "The Joy of Running" as your training guide it is time to start all over again.

The same is true with cycling and especially swimming. The Australians, to a large extent, have completely rewritten the book on fast swim form. Lance Armstrong has changed the way that thousands of pros and age-group athletes attack the hills.

But more importantly, if you've never had any formal training in the different running styles, or proper leg turnover speed, or correct head position in the water, or efficient peddling techniques, your most likely just building your training and race form on a crumbling foundation.

It's like building a sandcastle when the outgoing tide keeps washing away the foundation. You'll only be able to build the walls so high before the entire castle collapses into the sea.

It takes many hours in the pool, or on the bike, or even around the track to get back to basics and learn the proper form. Unfortunately it does not take days, or weeks, or even months. It takes years, and that's why the number one way to get fast involves a lot of perseverance.

2) The Confidence to Succeed

Chances are that the next time you race you'll lose, and the time after that, and the time after that. But it takes real confidence to feel like "true" athletes are not judging you and thus get flustered or worried about your lack of experience.

The only way to get past this initial hurdle is to put in the long training hours.

When I raced my first couple of Olympic triathlons, my legs would cramp up horribly on the run. The same thing happened to me at about mile 10 of my first half marathon. I struggled for answers. Could it be my nutrition? My Hydration? My genes? My diet, or lack thereof?

I finally asked a coach and he pointed out the obvious after a few basic training questions. I was no where near ready to race the longer distance. My training was haphazardous and my legs were not ready to run the greater distance.

Duh! Was what immediately occurred to me the second he said I was way under trained.

It takes a lot of confidence to mix it up with the big boys and girls come race day. But you can only get that confidence by putting in the time and effort in your training. That way, come race day, not only will your body and mind be ready to perform, but you'll have the strength to hold that proper form together that you just relearned.

3) The Passion of Means

Speed starts with passion.

True speed will never come as an end in itself. In other words, you have to have a real passion for your chosen sport to get really fast. For instance, you can't just say to yourself I'm going to run a sub one hour 10K without a real love for running.

Unless you love running, you won't be motivated enough to put in the time to learn the proper form, which in turn will give you the confidence to execute that form of race day, which in turn will give you that personal best or even podium position.

The best part of this simple equation is that as your performance improves, so will your passion for that sport.

When you ask a triathlete what's their best discipline (the swim, the bike, or the run)? Their answer will always be both their favorite and their fastest part of the sport.

I have yet to hear any triathlete tell me that they love to run, but they are much better and faster swimmer.

4) The Time To Play

I really believe that in order to develop a passion for a sport, you first need to play.

The love of swimming comes from time spent goofing around at your local beach or pool. Perhaps it comes from a vacation when you first tried to surf, or the lazy summer days spent jumping into your favorite water hole.

It's those fun and carefree hours spent playing in the water that get you motivated to spend long hours horizontally getting faster and faster in the pool.

The love of cycling comes from the sense of freedom you get peddling your bike around your neighborhood with your kids. It comes from feeling the wind in your face and the sun in your eyes as you peddle to your favorite pick nick spot, or from the adrenaline rush as you blast down a huge hill for the first time.

It's those long hours of just peddling your new mountain bike over curbs and up dusty hills that gives you the passion to go on century training rides.

The love of running comes from the feeling of your heart pounding in your ears as you raced the kids at recess. Or it can come from the feeling of being at one with the forest and trail as you run your favorite loop. It can come from running your first 3 miles without stopping and feeling like you could go 4 miles, or it could come from knowing that with every mile you run you're efficiently burning that hamburger you had for lunch.

But it is that love of running that will give you the passion to run through the wall at your first marathon.

Perseverance
Confidence
Passion and
Play

You'll note that these four are in the exact opposite order that kids learn to love a sport. But that's the secret to being a fast and successful developing athlete: You learn and grow to love a sport just like a child, you just do in in the exact opposite order.

* This Story was inspired by the fine swim coaches at SlowTwitch.com

New B-Fit B-Day Logo

So this has only taken like a zillion years, but after many (too many) versions here is the proposed new raceAthlete B-Fit B-Day logo.

TA-DA!

What do you think? Is it Cool or is it Gruel ?

The logo will (if you like it) enhance the new B-Fit B-Day web site along with the slogan, "If not now, when?"

BTW: We're almost up to 200 brave athletes taking the Challenge this year. You are welcome to join us if you are looking for a new, free, and fun way to celebrate your B-Day, or just measure your health and fitness.

The logo is compliments of my very talented friend Tai, and the slogan comes from the marketing magic of my buddy Fred.

What do you say?

Wrong Way Roman

OK, this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you, but I have to get it off my chest.

So, in the next 900 to 1000 words I'll bare my soul to you with the simple hope that it will inspire you to do the same.

That way we can all move on and feel empowered to get beyond our shame.

It all really began in 5th grade at Gross Elementary school back in the Chicago Suburbs.

I was a big kid so my gym teacher naturally thought that I would make a great football player.

Little did he know that I would not.

I was totally terrified, dazed, and confused on the football field. I didn't get the sport, and I just wanted to go sit on the bench and pray for the game to end. As a youngster I had grown up in Europe playing European Football (soccer) and tennis. These were the sports for talented young men in Europe. But in the hometown of "The Bears" it was all about Football and touchdowns.

So when I intercepted a pass in the big 5th grade game at Gross Elementary and ran it down for a touchdown, I was elated by the cheers and yelps of the watching crowd, and I must say a bit confused by the odd reaction of my teammates.

They were all stunned into silence as I crossed into the end zone with a look of pained horror on their faces. I wondered if they were so stunned by my lighting quick hands and sprint to the end zone that they could simply not believe that I had scored a touchdown.

Was that the reason for the boos I was hearing?

Alas it was not the reason. I had, in fact, ran the wrong way and scored a touchdown for the opposing team.

In the process I had lost the game for us and earned the nickname Wrong Way Roman for the rest of my elementary school career.

It was perhaps one of the most painful, humiliating, and from today's perspective funny things I ever manged to do in elementary school.

So while many 5th graders saw the humor of the situation, I was painfully aware that they were certainly laughing at me, and not with me.

That was the end of my short lived Football career. I went on to play tennis in High School until my senior year when my tennis coach pointed out the obvious when he said, "Roman, Let's face it. You're no gazelle out there." By "there" he meant the tennis courts, and I instantly knew that he was spot on in his assessment of my potential hypo like tennis court control.

But unlike my horrible football failure, I didn't take this news with shame or even sadness. It was the truth, and I had done everything in my power to be the best tennis player in the Chicago Suburbs. I was simple not blessed with the same skills or genes of my fellow Czech tennis players with last names like Lendl and Navratilova. I was no gazelle and that was OK because I had stretched my talent as far as it would take me.

As I watch new age group athletes take on swimming, biking and running, I scream in my head..."Let's face it, you're no Gazelle out there. But that's really OK, the main thing is that you are out there." And I can't help but be extremely impressed by their strength, courage, and tenacity to pick up a new sport late in life, grab it by the neck, and wrestle it into submission.

I really worry that too many new athletes are like I was when I played football. They are terrified of the sport, they are terrified of making a classic mistake, and they are terrified of failure. So much so that they never even consider the possibility of success. They worry that they'll run the wrong way, or swim in the wrong direction, or fall of their bikes before they can unclip.

And you know what Newbies?

You will:

Run the wrong way,
Swim in the completely wrong direction,
and fall from your bike like a freshly cut tree before you have a chance to unclip.

I should know because I've done all of these things and I'll probably do them again, but that's all besides the point.

Here's a quote I recently read in an email from a Michael, a newbie, who just bought my new book:

"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up,
totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming -- WOW--What a ride!!!"

OK, I'm not sure I want to totally use up my body yet. I hope to still use it for a few other fun activities outside of sports. I'm sure you can think of few yourself. But...life's is certainly in the journey, and not the destination.

In college I used to like to say, "Life is what happens to me in between the times I do my laundry."

Today I'd probably amend that to, "Life is what happens to me in between the times I pay my mortgage."

But certainly I've learned since 5th grade that life is too short to worry about running the wrong way.

What are some of your biggest, funniest, and best sports blunders?

Please share your story for all of the newbies reading this column.

Thanks,
Roman "Wrong Way" Mica

Taking Matters into Your own Hands

In a week filled with news one story stands out head (I apologize about the bad pun(s) to come, please forgive me now before you keep reading, but I really fear you'll get it soon enough) and shoulders above the rest.

I am not referring to the Primaries between the democratic front runners.

However, I'm sure by now you know that the biggest story from last week is of course THIS one.

Not since the invention of Viagra have so many men across the world breathed a collective sigh of "Thank You God!"

As it turns out...uhhh...taking matters into ones own hand or hands does not lead to blindness or excess hairiness in unwanted places after all. It, in fact, leads to a happier and healthier life by reducing the risk of prostate cancer for especially industrial men.

Which of course means that hundreds of millions of men around the world can now honestly turn to their significant other, and look them in the eye, and with a straight face say, "I'm just trying to reduce my risk of cancer and lead a healthy lifestyle," as they fly solo.

As I read this story, I couldn't help but wonder what other long established taboos are counter productive and perhaps even good for us. Here's a few suggestions of such practices, taboos, and established norms that I hope some other enterprising Australian scientist will decide to study, and hopefully debunk as being good or bad for athletes.

Stretching

How many times have you heard that stretching is essential to good health and fitness? I remember as early as elementary school having the often repeated mantra of stretching (before AND after exercise) drilled into my head. The funny thing about the stretching is that it is always being preached by the naturally pliable and gifted Gummi yoga coaches of the world.

You never see a 300 pound linebacker type who can barely touch his knees going on about the importance of pre and post exercise stretching. No sir, this hulk of a man lifts weights, runs up and down the football field a few times, grabs a towel, and jumps into his Cadillac Escalade for a quick dash to the local steak or rib shack right after he's done with his workout.

What if it turns out that a cushy ride in a heated leather seat, listening to your favorite music, followed by a high sugar and protein meal is the best post exercise routine you can possibly do? Just image the sound of all those empty yoga studies around that world. Are you listening? Do you hear anything? No, now that would be something truly transcendental.

Big Belly and Curvaceous Chest

When you think about it a big belly or an especially curvaceous chest is really aerodynamic? Has somebody seriously studied the aerodynamic benefits of a large tummy or a bountiful chest? For Pete's Sake, the newest and most expensive triathlon bikes now even come with areo brakes and cables. Just how much air does a cable really displace or block?

With all this attention paid to such tiny pieces of equipment how can scientist truly ignore the human body? I don't know about you, but when I run I feel like my round and slippery belly is breaking the wind like a sleek ship cutting through rough sees. Or am I confusing washboard with washtub stomach again as the ideal runner's body type?

Hydration

How many times have you been told about the importance of adequate hydration to exercise? I think the current recommendation is that you bring about 500 water bottles to your next spin class and drink one every time you either stand up or sit down.

However, you may recall the recent news that scientist just debunked the notion of drink 800 quarts of water per day. A recommendation that I must say had all of us walking around with those one gallon purple mountain climber bottles of water all day. The newest and greatest thinking is that you drink when you are thirsty.

Wow, who would have guessed?

So now guess what?

When I'm running, or spinning, or flying solo, I'm not all that thirsty. In fact, I only tend to get thirsty after heavy exercise. And by the way water is really heavy. I have enough trouble dragging my areo washtub belly around the neighborhood on my daily jog without the mountain climber bottle of water strapped to my fuel belt.

I say it is high time that somebody does some serious research into this need for this so called hydration "fact" before we all strap a gallon of water to our backs like some deranged and dehydrated camel in the Sahara. Oh..yea..never mind, we already do that.

Urination

Two simple questions:

1) What's wrong with yellow pee?
2) What's wrong with getting some sleep before your next race?

The common and accepted "race urination wisdom" states that you should be peeing clear the night before your big race because that indicates you are fully hydrated. It also means that you'll spend the night before your big race running to the bathroom like a 60-year-old man who didn't take enough matters into his own hands when he was in his twenties.

I think somebody needs to seriously study if peeing a golden steam of yellow the night before your next race may indeed lead to a good night's sleep, and good day's run.

I just saying....they've been wrong before and they could be wrong again.

Nutrition

Let's face facts. Nutrition and the "science" of diet (think dietitian) is in the early stages of the dark ages. You wake up one day and an all protein diet is the best way to lose weight. The next day you'll need to switch over to only healthy carbs. The following day cholesterol is bad, but by the afternoon a new study confirms that some cholesterol is indeed good, and in fact...great.

Did you know that Chocolate can reduce the risk of diabetes?

Did you also know that by studding Mongolian Eskimos in Siberia scientist have determined that the secret to a healthy heart is to only eat raw vole meat and and reindeer testicles? But wait it turns out that the Eskimos have a genetic enhanced bowel that allows them to process vole protein that would kill your average Taco Bell eating human.

What is a athlete to do?

I say use common sense, and take matters into your own hands...at least five times a week.